But even with a group as diverse as this, I can say with confidence that the majority of my clients have one underlying problem that has led them to my office. They have not yet learned to say “no.” If you have not yet developed the skill to consciously use this one small word, your emotional health will suffer greatly over the long term. I know it’s very hard to think about letting someone you care about down or falling short of someone’s expectation of you. Sometimes saying “no” can even be heartbreaking to someone else. But so is saying “yes” when you don’t really mean it. If you find that you are spending your time participating in activities or arrangements that make you feel resentful, exhausted, or down on yourself, here are five ways to start cultivating the healthy habit of saying “no”: Your body is very wise and will often tell you if something isn’t right. A teacher of mine once said that your body sends you all kinds of signals when something isn’t working for you. When you don’t listen, it drops a proverbial piano on your head. Next time something is asked of you, see if you can tap into those signals your body is sending early on, and let that be your guide. Of course there are times when you have really misled someone by saying “yes” to them again and again, so explaining your reasons for your perceived change of heart is called for. Those conversations are never easy to have, especially if you are faced with the prospect of hurting someone you care about. But keep in mind—should you find yourself in such a situation—that not being honest with them (and with yourself) will only have increasingly negative ramifications later on. Learning to say “no” when you authentically mean “no” is a life skill. For some people, it comes quite naturally. For others, it requires habitual practice and conscious use. It may not feel right at first, but it’s necessary for living life truthfully and a skill that will promote good overall emotional health.
