On the other hand, interdependency1 is characterized by two autonomous individuals who can care and nurture the relationship without sacrificing or compromising their own sense of self. There isn’t a huge emphasis on what the other person can do or complete for their partner, because they are already working on it themselves. Since interdependent couples are in charge of their lives and fulfilling their own significance, they come from an empowered place of wanting their partner, not needing them, which allows them to bring their highest selves to the table. As a result, the partnership feels stabilizing and secure. Build up your confidence by returning attention to your individual well-being, passions, dreams, and hobbies without factoring in what your partner likes. By using this time for yourself, it’ll help separate you from the relationship and give it room to breathe. Over time, these actions will expand your sense of self. As people come and go, you won’t sway easily because you’ll feel internally rooted by your values. By centering and cultivating acceptance toward yourself, it will serve as a buffer against over-reliance on your partner since there’ll be other resources to lean on. If you don’t know what your limits are, pay attention to your body. What feels bad? What feels good? What aligns with your values? What doesn’t? What do you feel uncomfortable or comfortable doing? Only say yes to the things that are truly okay for you. Say no to everything else. It’ll feel extremely uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re accustomed to neglecting your needs to make your partner feel comfortable, but this consensual practice is essential to creating the foundation for an interdependent relationship. By showing up authentically and meeting other relationship’s needs appropriately, it becomes a safe space to be vulnerable and find meaning outside of your partner. Set relationship check-ins where you can be vulnerable and discuss where your codependent behaviors may come from and where it’s showing up in the relationship. Talk about where you may be under-functioning in your life and over-functioning in theirs and how that’s affected each of you. Be specific about behaviors in the relationship that need to change. If you need help setting boundaries, let them know. Be frank, open-minded, and honest so the relationship can change form. If this is a persisting pattern that has manifested in other places in your life, it may be worthwhile to go to therapy—individually or as a couple. A therapist can help you figure out the origin behind your codependent habits and help you install and maintain long-term habits that support your journey toward secure attachment. When we can appreciate our partner for who they are instead of what they can give us, we can reimagine and occupy attuned relationships in an integrated way.
